MEDITATION, A WAY TO BECOME CALM AND HAPPY

When in my forties I became more, how do I say, spiritual. Reading  books by people like the wonderful Deepak  Chopra 'Seven Spiritual Laws of Success', 'Ageless Body Timeless Mind' and more recently 'Super Brain'. 'Mindfulness Meditation' by Jon Kabat-Zinn was a nice one. This helped me on my way to regular meditation aiding me through some times of illness and despair. Meditation supported me through the horrendous time when my husband became terminally ill and his subsequent death in 2001. However,  I did, as the time passed, let my regular meditation slip.

I became busy with my work again and with a new relationship and eventual marriage. Now after ten years I have found meditation again, maybe to do with aging and emotional upheavals. Perhaps because I need to find a way of dealing with the trials of rapidly moving time pushing me ever closer to the end of my life, admittedly this could be another twenty years or so. However if one looks ahead twenty years and then back seventy, it doesn't seem very long to go.

I am not sure why I have found meditation again and needless to say it isn't as easy for me to do as it was back then. For example I cannot force my body into the lotus position anymore, my back won't stay upright and now I tend to sit on the bed with pillows. It isn't ideal, hardly the Buddhist posture I desire but now I am at least I can console myself with having the shape of a fat little Buddha. I tend to remember to meditate later in the evening and 'Om mane pad mahum' can sometimes aid me in sleep. I am using the sound of bells to time myself and I love all meditation music.

Because of it I have been sleeping better, feeling calmer and directing myself towards healing and so I persist. In many ways it is almost compulsory now but when practicing at night I have to shut out the sound of husband's clicking nose and heavy breathing. Not sure which is the least helpful, that or my own heart beat which only reminds me of the passing moments of my life. With that at least I can focus on the here and now moment to moment experience.

I am happy and adjusting to life as an older person I don't mind being called old although I don't feel as if I am. All the pressure of my working life and the hours I put in to become successful in a chosen career seem a long time gone. All those skills acquired with hours of study and perseverance mean very little now. I suppose one could see all that as a massive waste of a commodity, my generation with all our skills should be used as an important resource why has no government ever considered it I wonder? However what we contributed to society is rarely celebrated but that is another story.